Making Friends in the Workplace

You’re sitting at your desk, engrossed in your latest project when you sense someone standing next to your chair. You turn and can’t help but jolt out of your seat a little as you look up to see a friendly face smiling down at you. It’s someone who recently joined your team. You raise an eyebrow in curiosity and the person’s smile widens. “We’re going to be friends,” they say confidently. Your second eyebrow joins the first in genuine surprise as they walk away, back to their own desk.

Submitted for the consideration of the Midday Society:

The True Story of Maintaining an Unexpected Work Friendship 

Have you ever met someone at work or an event that you immediately wanted to be friends with? Not just the saying hi at the water cooler kind of friendship, but the kind where you want to invite them over to hang out with your dog, eat cheese, and watch the latest episode of whatever looks good on your preferred streaming service?

When Renelly and I became friends, we didn’t know we were building the kind of friendship that would survive distances, relationships, hardships, and victories. But we’ve been there to support each other and celebrate each other for 15 years - even with as much as 17 hours time difference. And it all started with her standing at my desk, telling me we were going to be friends. And with me thinking she was maybe a little strange. 

We were both right. 

So what’s made the difference in our relationship, and what can we pass on to you about creating the space to allow such a friendship to flourish in a workplace (or really, any) environment? 

Here are some tips that we’d like to offer:

• Take it slow and be patient
  • Despite Renelly’s confidence in informing me of our impending friendship, it took us months to actually set up some time outside of work where we got together.
  • At work, we spoke often, sought each other out for walks, and helped each other with projects - all of which contributed to our friendship foundation.
• Be honest AND remember you’re still coworkers
  • If this were a Jane Austen novel or an episode of Bridgerton, there would be clear expectations and allowances for developing a friendship. We’d call each other by our last names and curtsy or bow when meeting and leaving acquaintances. But it’s not, and the rules of friendship are less finite.
    • If you are unfamiliar with either of these references, Netflix has episodes and movies waiting for you. 
  • You want to build trust, and that takes a willingness to open yourself up, become a little vulnerable, and create an emotionally safe environment for your friend-to-be to do so, too.
  • Just remember that working environments change - a friend can move to a different team, be put on a project with someone you dislike, or even become your manager, or vice versa.
  • While your friendship is budding, remember to keep your sharing PG - professionally grounded. 
• Moving on from the job doesn’t have to mean losing a friend
  • Renelly and I both left the job we met within months of each other. She went to Australia, I went to Los Angeles.
  • By then, we’d been friends for a few years, and it never occurred to either of us that we might lose touch.
  • Not being friends anymore because our job situations had changed simply wasn’t an option for either of us.
• Make time for each other - it takes two
  • Even when she was a day ahead of me, Renelly and I called each other regularly - at least once a week - to catch up. But the truth is, it was a habit, not an obligation.
  • We would let the other know how important the conversation was - i.e. “hey, I could really use some time, can you call me today?” vs. “I have a funny story about a cat on the bench, remind me to tell you”
• Do as the Pokémon do. Evolve. And do it together.
  • When Renelly got married and had children, she was evolving. Her responsibilities were amplifying and her priorities were shifting.
  • My expectations evolved along with her. Could I still call Renelly randomly when I had a thought I needed to share? Sure. But was there a chance a kid would need her attention and she’d have to call me back later? Absolutely. 
  • Evolve together and offer each other support. Celebrate what’s good in their lives and share what’s good in yours, too!

Now, get out there and make some friends!

“Distance means so little, when someone means so much” - Tom McNeal